when it's all said and done ,

when it's all said and done ,

i wanted things to turn out differently ,

i was holding onto positivity but getting drained at the same time ,

i constantly want better for myself in every situation ,

forgetting that life can decide otherwise ,

i woke up today missing my old self ,

i am still learning to love this new body and the experiences that comes with it ,

i did not deserve to lose my dad ,

i did not deserve to lose my grandfather right after ,

i did not deserve to carry my dead uncle's body ,

i did not deserve to be triggered enough to take my life ,

i did not deserve to be controlled by my mind ,

i did not deserve to love and be let down just like that ,

i did not deserve to be made to feel inadequate because of things i cannot control ,

i did not deserve to feel like i am second best ,

i did not deserve to be made to feel worthless ,

i did not deserve to be cheated on ,

i did not deserve to be made a rebound ,

i did not deserve to lose it all with little chances of getting it back ,

i did not deserve to made to feel like i am the convenient friend ,

i did not deserve to feel insecure in the hands of another ,

when it's all said and done ,

i just want to keep holding onto myself ,

i want to keep leaning onto myself for validation ,

i want to keep reminding myself that days are not the same ,

i want to keep reminding myself of the power i have ,

the strength that keeps me going ,

when its all said and done ,

i just want to be there for myself ,

the best way i know how to .