healing clothed in trauma ,

healing in the midst of trauma ,

you broke me ,

you took a part of me that seemed impossible to land into someone else’s hands ,

every day that you spent telling me how much you loved me ,

was all a lie ,

it triggers me so much to think of all the times i misled myself into thinking that things would be better ,

all the times i tried to satisfy you ,

forgetting about myself and my needs ,

worried about how to be a better partner for you ,

knowing very well that i was never good enough for you ,

i find it challenging to allow myself to trust someone else the way i trusted you ,

i had to learn the hard way that trusting someone that you love ,

value and see ,

it comes at a price ,

you lose so much within yourself trying to pour into another persons cup ,

the same person that does not see you ,

i had sleepless nights ,

thinking about how i got it wrong ,

but then i remembered that ,

not everything is my fault ,

i did my best for such an ungrateful piece of shit ,

healing for me looks like being kind to myself ,

reassuring myself that i did the best i could do ,

not everyone is like you and that it is okay to let someone in with new expectations ,

working on myself has been a blessing in disguise ,

the same pieces of me that you broke ,

are the same pieces of myself that were able to hold me down ,

i held onto those pieces just so i could remain who i am ,

love, Meezus

this is a healed version of myself .