maybe this might be my karma , for all the years and for all the hearts that were broken along the way or it could be something that is passed down to me . i always felt like i am at a disadvantage for not having people to give like me or just reciprocate the energy . my heart is always left heavy at the end of the day when things do not go my way or the way it should be .
i felt stupid for begging myself not to give up when i wanted to , i felt stupid for standing at your house when clearly you never cared , i felt stupid leaving you with 10 unanswered missed calls , i felt stupid for trying my best for things to work out when you were unbothered , i felt stupid for shirking myself just to make you stay , i felt stupid when i said "i am fine" when in all honesty i was not fine at all .
when everyone has left , who is there for me? i kind of figured it is my stupid self . what a lonely long road that at times it feels like it is endless , how long should one suffer? what will it take to be your complete self and with all that you desire?
...just have to ponder those before drowning .
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