; ,

hey , i thought about it again . i thought about taking my life again , my chest hurts .

my eyes hurt from all the crying , it is difficult crying at night and waking up in the morning like nothing happened . the thought of death gives me so much pleasure , i want to sleep and never wake up .

do not get me wrong , i am grateful for everything life has offered me , i feel empty inside , i try so much to stay alive and fill in the gaps , i feel alone at times , yes , i see people , there are people in every corner but i still do feel lonely .

i took in pills , i took it all in at the same time , with my heart beating fast , eyes full of tears , being selfish and thinking of myself and how i cannot live through to the next day . darkness overshadowing all of the light i have experienced in my life .

how did i get to this point ? is it a godly move , i asked ? why do i feel this way , i asked ? where is the lord , i asked ? when it is dark , it gets really dark . i love myself so much , but i thought of taking my life . it hurts but it hurts more being alive .

i am sorry to myself that i feel this way , i apologize to myself that i have to live this way , i pray that light overshadows darkness , i hope to look at the sun and just smile , i pray that happiness gets to a point where it is a permanent thing . i pray for less suffering ,

; as much as living may feel like torture , i choose to continue . this might not be how i feel everyday but it feels refreshing to be able to think along those lines , i choose to continue , despite all the challenges i face with my mental health .