young ,

deep within my soul lies my younger self ,

it cuts me deeply that at times i disappoint him ,

he's just a happy soul that is so expressive ,

i fight with myself a lot to make that possible for him ,

i have lost count of the times i did not want to be here ,

but he wants to be here ,

he is a huge dreamer , that every time my selfishness kicks in ,

i think of the disappointment that my body would carry ,

because of ending this young soul's dream ,

everything is demanding of my presence and time ,

i have prayed for days like these ,

i never knew that it would get this heavy ,

i need rest of everything happening around me and in my head ,

i need to know that i am deserving of good things and that i am enough ,

within my soul lies a grieving adult ,

grief that comes with losing yourself ,

grief that comes with so much emptiness ,

grief that feels like it is a never-ending cycle ,

life is just moving fast ,

fast enough that catching up seems impossible ,

oh .